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Question by Crystal clear: Wiccans, are we obligated to cast spells for any individual who asks since we are “into peace and helping others”?
And I’m curious as to what your definition of “help” is?
Got an e mail from someone who indicated they were attempting to understand to cast spells on their own and not getting any luck. And the request was produced “I was asking yourself if you could cast spells for me or aid me”….”If you could aid cast spells and help me. All would be appreciated. Thank You.”
Um, okay, mind you – I have no idea what type of spells this person wants – nowhere in the e-mail did it say.
So I respond with some book recommendations to aid asker find out magic from the beginning, the witchvox link to local shops where asker could discover classes and further information and resources, expressed that I do not just cast spells for strangers over the net, but would attempt to answer more certain concerns if the asker had them.
Fair sufficient, I believed.
Then I get a response e-mail essentially chewing me out about refusing to help a “stranger” – harping on the “stranger” portion. Like each friend you made started out as a stranger, and what if doctors refused to treat patients due to the fact they had been “strangers”, and so forth. (yeah, the difference there is, the doctors are acquiring paid to do a job!) The asker is apparently astonished that I would not blindly agree to cast spells simply because he/she “believed that Wiccan religion was very into peace and helping other individuals as much as they could so I assumed that you could aid me with my issues.”
The tone of the rest of the email was essentially a sarcastic tell-off because I did *absolutely nothing* to “aid”, and the asker is positive that individuals have helped me in my life through occasions of need. (Nicely yes, but then I never wandered up to a stranger and demanded aid or produced an unreasonable request either!)
*Sigh. I’m not offended or upset actually, just a small irked that I took the time to respond to the e mail, delivering educational resources and the supply to answer additional queries. Waste of my time it seems.
Perhaps I’ve got the definition of “aid” incorrect? What say you Wiccans on such matters?
Some wonderful answers and points produced so far. Thank you all. I guess I’m just in a “Monday mood” too. )
Oh yeah – response to my pointing out that I was attempting to aid by providing resources and to answer far more particular queries. And I asked if this individual had ever heard the saying “give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for life”. And once once again I pointed out that this individual was not precise about their intentions:
“I would In no way ask for a spell to harm an individual. I guess. You are NOT really helpful. It really is NOT that you’re carrying out what someone just says for you to do. You would he helping someone in a great matter. Giving me specifics Isn’t going to assist if it is tough for me to cast these spells. That’s why I came to you for aid. But you denied me. Well, there’s NO a lot more require for communication. I am NOT demanding anyhting, I’m just pissed on how you are ranting about other items that does NOT go with what I asked for. There are Several individuals who help with problem. Because, you are NOT the a single. GoodBye. “
And last email after viewing my question:
“You are question asked was ridiculous. I was NOT being selfish. You were. I do NOT care what they have had to say I was just mad at the reality that you acted as if me being a stranger was wrong.”
WOW – somebody forgot their medication these days.
Now see dear, the specifics you posted here would have been more valuable in your original request! How could anybody know if they were in a position to support you when you did not freaking specify what you required help with!?
16 – that explains a lot. If you happen to be going to method adults for assist, try behaving like a rational adult and do not throw a temper tantrum when you don’t get factors *your* way.
Nancy – the issue is – several of us tried to politely but honestly assist this asker – but the asker didn’t get the answers he wanted or an individual to do all the work for him and threw a temper tantrum. What occurred to respecting one’s elders? My High Priestess would never have let me get away with talking to her like this teen has spoken to us – she would undoubtedly have place me in my location, and has on occasion when I’ve stepped out of line – even though I’ve by no means behaved as ridiculous with my Wiccan elders. I’ve *worked* my way along my path, by means of my priestess degrees, and deserve a tad much more respect. You are welcome to place your time and energy into casting spells for this individual if you wish and dealing with the consequences. I am curious though, how this asker’s Mom would really feel about her 16 year old soliciting such support from strangers on the internet.
“stranger” – a person with whom a single is unacquainted (Merriam Webster) This is NOT an insult – it is a simple reality.
Very best answer:
Answer by Selene
I don’t do spells for men and women unless I know them personally (and they ask and specify). We are not obligated to execute any kind of service for anybody, if anything you did the appropriate thing by pointing them in the correct direction.
Add your personal answer in the comments!
Comments are closed.
Jen [Ghoast Kitteh] Jun 4 2012 - 10:40 am
I don’t think we’re *obligated* to do anything. What you did was fair enough, giving them a start in the right direction and whatnot.
F8alist Jun 4 2012 - 10:55 am
If I may I would like to offer an answer as a member of another tradition that, while not Wicca, is very close and in which spell-craft is an element.
I say that we are obligated to no one, but must make our choices based on the circumstances and intent of the party/parties involved. Those who use are obligated above all to use discretion as well.
Max Marie, OSF Jun 4 2012 - 10:57 am
The problem, in reality, has nothing to do with Wicca at all – and everything to do with the self-indulgent, self-righteous society we now live in.
People think they have a right to what they want, when they want it. However, they have a right to absolutely nothing except for that which they get off their lazy butts and acquire for themselves.
You did the right thing, and the person responded in a childish and highly incorrect manner.
Advice Witch Jun 4 2012 - 11:45 am
I completely agree with Selene. I don’t do spells for anyone I don’t know personally.
opinionatedlilbugger Jun 4 2012 - 12:44 pm
I am no longer Wiccan, but I can say that what this person did shows that they are selfish and possibly narcissistic, assuming that they somehow have the right to demand your assistance. I’d block their emails and move on, I think you did well enough by giving them referrals and guiding them to their own knowledge. That they chose not to take it is on them. Good luck.
Chances68 Jun 4 2012 - 12:51 pm
Crystal,
I get those sorts of emails now and again, as well. The truth is that nothing in my faith requires me to help others, stranger or not. My own sense of loyalty and compassion will often cause me to offer help to those who I know, my friends, family, etc, or those who are clearly in need. However, I choose.
Moreover, I think you did offer help. Guidance to resources is a thoughtful, honest and positive method of offering help. That the person in question didn’t want to have to work or learn, but rather wanted (demanded, in a sense) to have you do all the work is indicative of the fact that they don’t actually need the help.
I often find it true, too, that what we want and what we need are two different rhings. If it’s cold out, and I’m feeling lazy, what I want is a ride to work in a comfy car. What I need, however, is to walk to work (exercise being very good for me).
I have seen the same trend among some of my students when I teach courses at the University. They want the information presented to them on a silver platter, in neat, easy to digest and memorize bites. They get upset at the requirement that they read through an article, chapter or document and decypher the meanings for themselves. They resent having to participate in class discussions. *shrugs* I am there to help them learn, to offer my guidance in terms of the subject. But it is up to them to do the necessary work to actually learn.
Great question, Crystal!
Bright Blessings.
The Passenger Jun 4 2012 - 1:44 pm
That sounds like one of those people who thinks anyone who has something they don’t is obligated to share with them. It’s one of those “the world owes me” people. I don’t deal well with people like that. You did help them. You gave them recommendations and suggestions so they could help their own self.
I define help as providing assistance to those that want and need it. My own personal ethics dictate that I only help others within the confines of what is ethical. Sometimes people want help that others aren’t comfortable giving – for a variety of reasons. That is fair. I wouldn’t give a family member money to feed their meth addiction. They might think I’m being selfish but I would find it damaging to assist them in something dangerously unhealthy.
James Jun 4 2012 - 2:33 pm
I’m not Wiccan, but I am a Witch and Pagan. Don’t fret over this person who sent you the email. It is not your obligation to cast spells for another person simply because you are expected to help others. You did the right thing in “helping” this person to the path that leads to them learning more about spellcrafting and casting, they just want others to do things for them without having to put effort into them.
prairiecrow Jun 4 2012 - 3:25 pm
I got the same email, and just shrugged and deleted it.
I don’t owe any help to spell-beggars who are too lazy to do their own damned research and work. And it annoys me when people presume that I HAVE to aid them just because I’m a Wiccan.
“No time for self-entitled twits” appears to be my motto of the week…
ETA: *watches Bukka-san flip out when he doesn’t get the OMG RESPECT! he SO clearly deserves, hurling insults the way a monkey flings its own poo and obviously hoping to terrify us with his threats… NOT!*
In case he decides to delete his answer, it goes as follows: “Well. Obviously if you feel that helping is DEMANDING. Then I guess Wiccans are as Evil as people say. You guys DON’T! know the difference and feel as I was being rude. Hmm . . . Well I’ve notice that your responses are just as RUDE as you assumed mine to be. That’s why you all will be HATED! As I’ve asked many people. Wiccans are DEVIL WORSHIPPERS! So, I guess that means that most of your replies will be ridiculous. I’m 16 but trust and believe I’m smarter then most. If you can explain to me how I was very rude. I’ll agree. But until, I believe that I am NOT and so do many people. You guys must NOT understand much.”
Yep, he’s a… well, you know. I had that vibe from his email and now it’s been confirmed. Good to know my instincts are still sharp as a tack.
ETA yet again: And now he posts a hatemongering piece of nonsense. This sort of behavior is more typical of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (the all-or-nothing thinking, the notion that people/groups are either all good or all bad) than a rational adult human being. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.
Ashley D Jun 4 2012 - 4:00 pm
if your not comfortable actually casting spells for them, then that is your deal, and you need to do what you are comfortable with.
im not wiccan, but i wouldnt feel comfortable casting for people i didnt know either. i would have given them the exact same response you did, gently guiding them towards a website or books that would better be able to answer their questions.
Ashlee Jun 4 2012 - 4:04 pm
I think what you did was fair enough. Us Wiccans are aloud to help people as long as we aren’t getting paid for it. But i dont think i would help some random person who emailed me. If it was a friend though, yes.
Lazlo Jun 4 2012 - 5:02 pm
I think you answered her fairly & gave her good advice.
I don’t think you wasted your time. After all you learned from the experience.
We can’t pick & choose the people who are apart of our community.
)O(
Witchy Mel Jun 4 2012 - 5:31 pm
I’m not Wiccan, I’m Pagan but I don’t think you’ll mind if I answer anyways.
I read this and found it kind of odd…I certainly hope that the person who emailed me over the weekend wasn’t the same person who emailed you…otherwise I can look forward to a nasty email back.
Mine said:
*Hello, I am in need of some serious Spell casting. Would you be willing to cast a few spells for me? Thank You.*
When I got it, I thought to myself “Seriously?” For one thing, approaching this from the flipside, I wouldn’t want to openly be on the receiving end of spellwork from a stranger. This person doesn’t know me, why would they willingly want my energy directed at them without knowing what I’m about.
Also, a few spells? Damn, I guess people think that you can just wiggle your nose and *poof* it’s done.
I understand why you are irked, I would be too. My response was a lot shorter. I just basically said that I don’t randomly cast spells for strangers on the internet and if someone was in the need of serious help or healing then I would do an energy sending but that’s it.
When it comes to *helping* others, not everyone has the same opinion on it. IMO, helping people doesn’t mean you do what they say when they want you to and it doesn’t mean being at a stranger’s beck and call. As a matter of fact, there are times when you help someone that makes you a co-dependent and an enabler.
This person you spoke with was obviously expecting a very particular response for you and when they didn’t get it, they couldn’t see past that expectation to see that you were offering them something better….something empowering.
I hope it was not a waste of your time, maybe at some point this person will reflect back on it and actually visit the site but you might never know.
Tabitha S Jun 4 2012 - 5:32 pm
I’m often asked to do spells. I don’t like to because it’s not always effective. A spells success is determined by the intent of the person casting the spell. Often I don’t care enough about someone elses issue to muster up enough intent and desire to make the spell work. Also it can be dangerous to help someone who may want to harm others. Sometimes I will give people that ask simple knot spells or candle spells to do themselves but never for anything serious. Usually they are just confidence, luck, or prosperity spells. Most important thing to remember is to never “help” anyone with ill intentions. Someone that desperate is likely to want a spell for the wrong reasons.
Ƀoɳɛs Jun 4 2012 - 5:41 pm
Eh, you are not obligated to do anything for random internet people.
It sounds to me as if the person assumed that Wiccans and spells are like Christians and prayer; by that I mean online you’ll notice a lot of Christians will post that they will pray for someone who is a total stranger. Perhaps they don’t realize what actually goes into a magic ritual or something?
You DID help them though, you gave them information and resources by which they could learn. If they didn’t want to take what you offered, then that is their loss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edit: BukkaCapri, there could be any number of reasons your spells don’t work, it could also be that what you are trying to do with magic simply isn’t possible [In the case of illness medical treatment is more effective than magic spells.] Magic ritual is mostly about focusing your own Will, changing reality to conform to your Will. Other people can’t do it for you as they don’t have power over your Will.
What you really need is a frame of mind, think of the last time you really wanted something. To set a record for yourself, to change, to get something you thought was perhaps out of your reach. Remember the frame of mind you were in. The determination, the total concentration on that one goal, every fiber, every cell moving forwards to grasp it. That would be what you need for your magic rituals and perhaps what you are missing.
BukkaCapri. Jun 4 2012 - 6:22 pm
Read this article: Wiccans.
http://www.auburnpub.com/articles/2006/11/14/news/opinion/judy_ducayne/jd01.txt
LabGrrl Jun 4 2012 - 7:03 pm
OMG. That child is so lucky she didn’t mail me.
Ungrateful little beastie. You did help.
Wicked Warrior Jun 4 2012 - 7:07 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That is so funny. I am obligated to my Goddess, my child and myself. You don’t owe this kid a thing, and the best part of it is, you are doing him/her more a favor by refusing than you are by just saying ‘ok honey, whatever makes you happy.’ Spoiled wretch.
Rai A Jun 4 2012 - 7:39 pm
Wow wot a bunfight…
Amassing what a little respect can achieve…. shame the person’s not shown any.
Personally (& that’s all I can say) is I’ve only had one situation where someone was deliberately try to manipulate me into “spiritually” helping them. I then had a most unpleasant 2 hour discussion to him about how his actions COULD be considered stalking & harassing his Ex/my friend. [Didn't start on how he had been trying to get to her again through manipulating me.]
The “Obligation” was to respond to his asking for help – meaning I felt obliged to talk to someone I’d prefer not to deal with. To me, spells/rituals are always a last resort.
Having said that the few times I’ve been specifically asked for spells, I’ve helped them to write/preform one themselves.
IF someone was having problems preforming the spell, then I’d might suggest they look for a alternative style. I have a friend who’s a History buff – & because of his specific interest I encouraged him to do rune work. Something that’s just not my cuppa tea.
[Later: BukkaCapri/Nancy You preach at us, claiming innocence and yet you print this piece of hate-mongering.
http://www.auburnpub.com/articles/2006/11/14/news/opinion/judy_ducayne/jd01.txt
Any wonder why people get up tight.]
.
~~**Ma'iingan**~~ Jun 4 2012 - 7:57 pm
“Wiccans, are we obligated to cast spells for anyone who asks because we are “into peace and helping others”?”
-I will say no. Speaking as a Witch who was a former Wiccan I’ll say this. A Witch goes by the individual situation. We are not obliged to do anything we don’t want to or goes against our PERSONAL comfort. We are NOT held under some ridiculous rule that says we HAVE to help everyone and anyone every time they ask. It’s up to us as individuals to make up our own minds. Where in Wicca or Witchcraft does it state that all Wiccans are “Into peace and helping others”, or that we must drop all things and obligitorily “help” another? I have studied Wicca for a few years, and had yet come to this noted line…perhaps I hadn’t studied far enough. As for the email, I got this one too, but I didn’t answer it, as I noticed it late at night and was too tired to answer. However, thanks to this enlightening question by the wonderful Crystal Clear (:D) I now know the intentions of the asker and will NOT be answering this person’s request (though I probably would have done the exact same thing as Crystal Clear).
I will say this to the asker of the (emailed) question:
Witches are not obliged to cast spells for another. If one requests a spell cast, the one must provide the necessary materials for that Witch to cast the spell (IF he or she agrees to do it). If the Witch says no, you must accept that. You have a LOT to learn about Wicca and Witchcraft.
Wicca does NOT focus solely on spells. They focus on communion with their deities. If you believe Wicca is about spells, then you are in the wrong belief system. I suggest you study a LOT further, before you do anything regarding spells, as that is why your spells are not working. You do not know WHAT a spell is, HOW a spell works, nor how to conduct yourself during spells. One who has studied will know that spells are a more advanced form of Witchcraft (something not all Wiccans do). If you want to cast spells, study properly, or none of your spells will work for you…and begging another Witch to cast them for you only shows your immaturity towards the craft, and the need for more proper study.
Just some advice from a practicing (former Wiccan) Witch
ETA: ahh, lovely. Because this Bukka didn’t get what he wanted, he resorts to posting BS to make himself look good. Quite the opposite will take place, and reputation will continue to fall.
You want to earn the respect of others, do not post misinformation. It make you look the fool.
ETA: PrairieCrow – Thanks for c&p the response from Bukka, as now he has replaced his whine with a nonesensical site.
This is EXACTLY Why I always recommend people wait until they’re 18 before seriously deciding to practice Wicca or Witchcraft, as when you’re a child (and I properly refer this person to a child, as per his temper tantrum) you don’t understand what it is you’re looking for yet.
Child of Venus Jun 4 2012 - 8:16 pm
I got the same question from the same guy, and I was going to answer it the same way that you did, or at least in a similar way, but I decided to see what kind of person this guy was and checked his page. No information, but the most recent question that he answered was this one. I’m just going to block him now because I really don’t want to deal with this crap. I think that the answer you gave was a good one and what any serious Wiccan probably would have answered. You saved me the trouble of emailing this guy and receiving a similar response, so thanks for posting this. I really don’t want to deal with Christian trolls, which is what he is based on his answer above. I hope he stops bothering you and anyone else that he’s emailed so far.
Venus Bless
lemler Jun 4 2012 - 8:36 pm
no i don’t believe we are as you said obligated to do spells for some one just because they asked as we are taught in the begging of our magical learning’s spells can be very powerful but they are not our main source and if someone is asking you to d one then they truly do not understand what it is to be wiccan
Nancy Jun 4 2012 - 9:29 pm
This is my new account. I had to delete the old one because there was too much negativity going there. I’ve received an E-Mail from someone in need of spellcasting and I’ve seen what the the Wiccan has said about this. I am alarmed at all of the hate messages you guys posted. Yes, I do understand your frustration with this person but please if you send these type of negative messages out there you are just as guilty as you say he/she is. Don’t give people the right too believe that we are mean agressive demented toads. That is not what I want for my fellow friends. I try to be as peaceful as much as I can. The poster should be ashamed of posting this question and so should the fellow rude answers. We are not about getting upset and trying to deterorate people. The ones who claim to be Wiccan are you really Wiccan? Why would you stoop so low. He/ She asked for help. I do not personally cast spells for others because I do not want to be responsible for anything if something goes wrong. And a spell is best performed when ones own energy is used. You blame he/ she for ranting and raving, but what are you doing yourself? You een took it this far. Please do not makes us look bad. I encourage people not defeat them. And the message that she has sent me was was polite. I saw no need to use the term, “Stranger.” Please let’s stop this nonsense. If you were frustrated so be it, but don’t act like this and give bad names to our community. People already believe that we are evil, let’s not do this. We do not need to scold people when asking for help but simply break it down so one can feel satisfied and helped. I don’t know about you others but I am a Wiccan that is here to help.
Blessed Be!
Alorer Jun 4 2012 - 10:01 pm
I got that too. I replied politely that I don’t cast spells for strangers and especially via the Net for a number of reasons. I got a reply with a lot of bitching about the strangers part. I replied again and seems like Mr/Ms Capri-thingie is simply a spammer.
littleredhen Jun 4 2012 - 10:54 pm
I can only speak from a non Wiccan perspective. i would never help someone in that way i did not meet up with and chat too at the very least, and i have not been asked. I have been asked to send ‘healing’ and various things like that from time to time..or to ‘light a candle for me’, and i see no harm in lighting a blessing candle for someone i know or care for, but i don’t do spell work for myself unless it is really necessary, and certainly wouldn’t for a stranger, sorry if that seems unfair, but you get all sorts of odd stuff online these days..
Mayv aka FMQA Jun 4 2012 - 10:58 pm
Wow, been there! I remember in junior high, when I had just started my spiritual path and studying, some people would ask me to put a “hex” on someone they didn’t like. Each time, I had to explain that I would never put a “hex” on someone, and that I was not comfortable casting spells for anyone yet.
It wasn’t until high school that they stopped. Some were curious and would ask questions, but no one asked me to cast for them.
The only thing recently is someone contacted me via my website and asked for advice. Really, he just needed someone to talk to who didn’t know him. It was a complex, very personal problem, and I was happy to sort of counsel him. Of course, he asked very nicely and in earnest. Being empathic, I could sense his need was real.
Anyway, just my two bits’ worth. Lots of good answers I’ve seen here, and I wanted to say that I agree. No one is obligated to cast for anyone else. If that person were serious about studying Wicca, or any path for that matter, s/he would have asked politely for help, rather than demand that you perform.
Peace, love, and blessed be!